wellllllllllllllllll im baaaaaaaaaaaaack :P

Well ive decided to try and start blogging again - to remind myself why it is im doing this. I dont even know when i last blogged but SO MUCH has probably happened that i'd be here for a week trying to update everyone.

love life - kinda sux - been with Greg 7 months now but it's not really going anywhere. have been ups and downs - lots of ups in the first 3 months - not so much now. He's really busy at work and constantly tired and just never seems to have enough time for me. and stupid me is letting him get away with it and just being drip feed a few hours here or there to keep me content (which i am not by the way). But alas im not ready to give him up - i think it would be alot worse to be alone at the moment so for now i shall keep trucking along.

The weight - well since i started my ""diet"" back in August 08 with the dietician i have now lost nearly 20kgs - i guess i shud update that weight tracker thingee i think it's disappeared. its hard though - the scales at the gym say ive already lost 20 - whereas my scales at home say its 19 LOL - so i'll just go with the nearly 20kgs so i can push myself. Havent been doing that great over the last few weeks - probably why i need to blog again - went on like a 2 week run of kfc for 5 days straight and total junkfest and only going to the gym like 3 times.

but my lovely friend emma gave me a much needed kick up the ass over the last few days and reminded me how far i've come and how stupid it would be to stop now when im finally getting to see results - ive gone down 2 sizes already - and i just cant wait to down more - it is definately great to be able to buy new clothes - but when i look in the mirror i dont see any difference - cept maybe my face is a bit thinner and im losing my boobs - but where it counts - my arms and my thighs - theyre my trouble spots - makes it hard to wear smaller clothes when theyre tight in the thighs but baggy and falling off my ass and my waist :( ive started wearing my pregnancy belly bands again just to keep my pants up ahahah

i dont really know where my motivation went or why - prolly all tied up in greg again. as some of you know i got really depressed when all the crap with him went down - im on antidepressants now - but the bonus to them is the loss of appetite! i can gladly and easily only eat one meal a day and be fine - but my trainer (yes thats right i have a personal trainer now) has told me that all im doing is screwing my metabolism so i have to force myself to eat.

decided today that maybe id have brekkie - maybe a protein shake or a yoghurt n fruit or something - then a protein bar after the gym - then have a big lunch like a stirfry or wraps - then fruit or protein something in the avo - then a meal replacement shake for tea - coz im really not hungry at night - its nearly 9pm and ive just had a bit of stirfry n rice because im trying to eat my meals for the day - but i could easily have gone to bed without eating anything.

today ive been good - i went to the gym and did cardio and weights for 90mins - then had a protein bar - then for lunch i had 2 wraps with lettuce and chicken in them - and then for tea ive had stirfry chicken and vege with brown rice. so okay i didnt exactly get my 5 or 6 small meals in today - but its better than the giant load of kfc for lunch and nothing else for the whole day! small steps!

anyway this will be the first of many so i wont bleat it all out tonight. let's just say that im on track - losing the pounds - and am more than a quarter done to where i need to be - so better hurry up and get those last 3/4's off me - coz by xmas next year - i wanna be HOT!

xxx